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GothiqueChik
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Name: names are misleading
Location: Fargo, North Dakota, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: guys/girls, body mods of all types,
Expertise: designing clothing and jewelry
Occupation: Student
Industry: Fashion & Design, French, Thea
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/21/2005
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| Terrible! 134...not a single loss since I slipped on the binge-slope! And a fucking gain at that! Well, too bad cuz I`m not eating til I lose 10 lbs! Yeah that`s right, I can be a stubborn cunt, too! | | |
| So the pro ana site I`ve applied for recently accepted me! *freaks out like a fangirl* And I was warmly welcomed and greeted with an offer I couldn`t refuse!
FIVE DAY FAST!!! Tomarrow is the dredded Day 3...where I hear a lot of people break...but I can`t and I won`t! Especially now that my period is acting screwy from the weight loss...making it really hard to drive down my weight...Natural Motivation had I ever asked for it!!! And the weird thing is that the food isn`t even what`s getting to me! I`m just craving Coke-a-Cola so damn bad! I wonder if Coke Zero would be cheating...? All I take in is water. Ice water is really good. Why does my mouth have to feel like there`s a cotton wad in it? O well! I notice the more happy I stay the easier it is. Also, it doesn`t hurt...I`m not used to fasting, so I figured by now it`d hurt like a mf, but I feel totally normal like as if I had eaten today...This makes me sorta edgy though about "what if`s" like what if I am sleep-eating, but I know that`s only paranoia and cuz the fridge is never missing anything in the morning when I wake up...phew!!! Feel good, hope you do to! | | |
| So I`m 132.5 right now!
That`s basically 8lbs. in 5 days...good/bad...? Mom is making delicious soup, but won`t eat it tonight...or tomarrow... At least I can smell it thought! I love it`s smell! And soup usually smells better than it tastes. So I`m sitting there at lunch, sipping plain water to keep hydrated, and I see cheese burgers, but then I looked up and noticed the chick eating that was FAT AS HELL! I mean, I thought I needed to lose weight? I look like effing Twiggy compared to her! I love Twiggy, though! But this chick is like 5`1 or just about and more than likely 21o lbs. or MORE.
And this made me think, seeing as how she`s a social climber that didn`t figure out in the transition from elementary school to middle school (or from middle school to high school for that matter) that trying to get into the popular crowds is a load of bullshit, and she would sell out her best friend for a chance to suck a jock`s dick, and she prances around in mini skirts and tight tops showing off major cellulite - and it made me thing two things:
1) I`m a fucking size 8 women`s! That makes her a size 18 at least! I don`t even wear mini skirts because I admit to minor cellutlite, and here she is shoving her face with something that only equals more fat when it comes right down to it!
which lead me to
2) People like that must use food as a way to cope with that fact that they`re weak! They purposely get theirself addicted to that shit and then try to use it as an excuse for "Oh, but I have cravings..." No one buys that bull anymore! Especially when schools offer healthy food just as well. Once every couple weeks giving in is understandable - that way you don`t binge ur face off later on, but everyday eating the same greasy fat is pathetic! I know! I was just like that - but never even obese to begin with! This make me feel both strong and happy, because I will never look like that slob! I will never shove my face with that much food while on the virge of crying because I don`t have any real friends! I hope she chokes and gets clogged arteries, but still, babe, THANKS FOR THE THINSPO!!! Yes, I know that was incredibly mean, and I haven`t been that mean to anyone in years!!! Normal people don`t piss my off like that, but obese (by definition) people, bitching they`re obese, while eating their own weight in grease...yeah! It gets to me! Motto of the day: food is for the fat to cope | | |
| is screaming at me! Ahhhhhhh! Stay Strong! Stay Strong! Only 4 days in, and already I`m this pathetic! Meat is the enemy! Candy is the enemy! Fries are the enemy! Food is best experienced when not a morsle passes the lips. Sounds become louder, aromas more distinct, colors more vivid! I don`t want to give up the benefit of three senses for one! It`s not worth it. I know that deep down. Cravings go away! 2 mins. til America`s Next Top Model! Love that show! Like a whole hour of thinspo! Gum! Breath! So I`m using my text book for science to work on walking with balance and thus improving my posture. Walk like a model, think like a model, act like a model, become a model...? peace! ANTM is on. Mae | | |
| I get out of the shower this morning and weight myself - 134.5!!!!!!! I started this week at 140. 5.5lbs in 3 days! Then I ate breakfast - because I`m smart and don`t want the binging when I get home from school.
After I ate I weighed myself and I was 137.5. Kinda depressing, but the food had jsut settled so rather inacurate!
Btw: Plain Oatmeal needs to die! I know that if I keep forcing it down I`ll either throw it up (ew) or keep expanding my stomache because the proportion size is quite big. I LOVE NUTRI-GRAIN BARS!!! And 10 cals. less than oatmeal! My breakfast intake was 230 cals. Then in study hall (1st period) I drank some of my water and resisted the cookies (commons every-other-day)! At lunch I stayed strong and ate my salad and reminded myself that everyone eating fries (one of my biggest temptations) was destined for an even fatter ass then I was - even if it doesn`t show right now. My total lunch intake was 25-30 cals. I`m starting to notice how much I miss meat. But meat is not worth it. Maybe once I get down a bit I can reward myself with just a few bites of steak (not seasoned or with any sauce, just plain as can be - how I used to eat it) or jerky. But not anytime soon! Plus, the idea of working my way down just to eat it pretty contrasting to the point of why I`m working my way down in the first place! Just gotta remind myself that Hot Topic Corsets are way more important that any food! I know I talk about food a lot. Talking about it, for me, doesn`t cause cravings, and sometimes gets rid of them. Mainly because I look at it like this: "It does exist. Denying the existance of food won`t help you either way. And talking about something that exists vs. going upstairs and binging like crazy are two totally different things!" 260 cals. so far today. Still under 500, and haven`t caved yet. Still have same motivation as I did yesterday. Stay Strong! ~*GC*~ | | |
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